Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
