very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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