please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Randomize
