I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
