Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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