Kiss
Puke
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
