Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
You dont lie about slip and slides
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
