I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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