It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I need to stop coming to work sober
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize