drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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