His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
