You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
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