O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
