If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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