i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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