he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
