I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
last night I used snow as a chaser
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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