but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
