he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
