I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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