I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
