We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
