She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize
