there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
