I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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