Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
How's work?
Spinning.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm too high and old for this...
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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