we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
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