Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
it was like having sex with a tree stump
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
