Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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