Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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