My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
