Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Even my vagina gasped.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
