Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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