That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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