So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
smell my finger.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Drunk is a universal language darling
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
