ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
