You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
