VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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