a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
