my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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