I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
