I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
