I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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