shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
