You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
