Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Alive.
So much puke
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize