Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
