If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
