So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
