so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize