I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
