I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Semen is not good for contacts.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize