I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
