Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I woke up under a house in Key West
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
