my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
she told me i tasted like america
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
