Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
