I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
