So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Randomize
