Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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