I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
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