Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
