That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize