My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
