Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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