oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
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