Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Congratulations! We have a period
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