sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
