I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize