dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
