I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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