and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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