We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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