My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
