He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
should my penis look like a turkey
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize