Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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