i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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