We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
