i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
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