We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize