her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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