I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
