im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
