just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
