just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
