The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
