ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize