Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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