the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize