so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
