Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize