y did u give ur computer a hand job?
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
All the doctor said was why
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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