I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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