OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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