Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize