I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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