Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
