do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
