Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
