omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
