I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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