drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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