Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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