i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
