Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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