so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
