So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
