She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
whose parrot is this?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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