after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Crop dusting thru forever 21
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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