Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
