SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Randomize