sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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